What To Say When You’re Speechless

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What is normal? How should you behave with your ex’s?

I can’t help but think that the situation I’m in right now is anything but normal and yet it still feels like the right place to be.

I’m laying in bed with my ex yet again …. although this week I can’t help but feel that what was once casual sex or as he liked to put it ‘fuck buddies’ has become a bit more intense. We no longer sleep with each other after nights out where we drunkenly bump into each other ‘accidentally on purpose’, but only when we’re sober. We’ll lay talking about the most pointless things for hours, reminiscing about how things used to be and the last two nights I’ve actually stayed over at his and not left that night like I did when this arrangement first started. I can’t even try to lie about the fact that he’s the best shag I’ve had and he continuously tells me the same which of course is very flattering. But once I leave here today I wont see him for three months, we’re both going away for summer now, unless of course I mention to him that my house is all mine for a month and maybe he should come down and stay with me? But I have a feeling this is dangerous territory after the last time I mentioned the possibility of seeing each other during our time off of university .. he freaked out saying it wasn’t like that between us.

I fully understand we are not in a position to be in a relationship  but as it stands I don’t want to have sex with anyone else, is this just because I think of myself as a monogamous person, or is it because I have feelings for him again? All I can say to that  is I bloody hope not! But I can’t deny that I am going to miss him for the next three months and the possibility that all contact between us will now be stopped for over summer hurts a little bit … I’ll miss our pointless conversations that go on for hours, but I’m sure I can find a replacement him.

So right now I’m speechless and I think it’s the best thing to be, I don’t want to ruin this weirdly perfect situation I’m in with him right now. It might be messed up, but I don’t mind.

One thought on “What To Say When You’re Speechless

  1. I just started this process with my ex, and it is the same exact story! How do you know if your feelings mean that you miss HIM in a relationship, or if you just miss having a relationship?

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