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To The Guys Who Think They’re The Shit

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You are in fact not the shit and you have zero reason to be as egotistical as you actually are, cut the crap and accept the fact that in reality you’re a 5/10 on a good day for your looks and a 2/10 in bed. Sorry to be the one to break the news and here are the reasons why, just incase you want to take note for the next female you disappoint:

  • I’ve listened to songs that lasted longer than you
  • You DO NOT go down on a woman and suck, that is not how it goes. Who have you been giving oral sex to, men?
  • Don’t get an ego boost from when I’ve said you feel good, I say it to all of them. Guys seem to like it
  • Why can you only have sex missionary? Are you just that vanilla?
  • If you think just taking off a woman’s underwear means she’ll automatically be turned on, you’re a fucking idiot
  • Wasting 3 minutes of my life for a three thrusts situation … totally unacceptable
  • Getting so nervous you cant keep it up is actually VERY disappointing .. even if us women say its ok, its kind of not
  • You’re not 15, do not cover me in love bites I don’t need to leave you with a mark of shame
  • DO NOT bite my nipples so hard it feels like you’re trying to detach them from my body. That will not get me in the mood
  • You’re not trying to compete in the worlds fastest thruster competition, slow the fuck down

I actually take great pleasure in telling you that you’re not the shit, you are in fact … just shit. You were shit at everything, but you shouldn’t have been for having the ego that you did. And on a final note, no it doesn’t happen to everyone and no it is not ok.

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