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He’s just a friend

He’s just a friend you keep telling yourself.

You aren’t bothered when he doesn’t immediately respond to your messages, you aren’t bothered when he compliments someone else over you, you aren’t bothered by the fact you don’t know where he is or what he’s doing.

He’s just a friend, so why would you be bothered?

Because he’s your friend your stomach doesn’t flip when he messages you, you’re used to seeing his name on your phone, you message each other every day out of routine, not because your worlds would fall apart without each other.

You two being friends means you don’t get jealous when he’s talking to you about the new girl he’s seeing, you don’t care. As his friend you care about when it’s going wrong with someone who loves him, you don’t want him to get hurt because you’d do anything for him … but that’s how everyone feels about all their friends right? You’d go to the ends of the earth for them and back again, if it meant they wouldn’t have to get hurt by someone.

As his friend, you know where you stand. There are no crossed boundaries or blurred lines. You stand on one side and he firmly stands on the other. Everything is just easy and uncomplicated like that.

Because you’re friends, you know he loves you and you know that anyone you date will see that too but remain undeterred, it won’t bother them because they’ll see that your friendship is straight forward.

The two of you being so close means that you can run to him when the other guys you trust hurt you. You know that when he wraps his arms around you and holds you that there’s nothing in it, because the two of you are just friends.

You don’t wish that he was the one you’d been with in the first place, because you know that he would never hurt you the way some of the others have done, because you’d never cross a line like that. Complicating things is messy and no one likes messy.

Except …..

None of that is true.

And trust me, no one will get it.

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Resting Bitch Face

My resting bitch face is far more a reflection on you than it is on me.

If you think I look like I have an attitude problem, it’s because you’ve given me one. You see I have this slight problem, where I seem to have an ability to control the words that come out my mouth, but not the expression on my face.

This has its pros and cons … firstly, people will never have to question how I feel about them or whatever it is that they’re talking to me about, which is a huge pro, especially as I’m not the best person with all that emotion kind of stuff, so if I like someone, my eyes light up, I can’t stop smiling and overall I genuinely look engaged in everything they’re saying to me.

A massive con normally surfaces itself on first dates, if I find someone intolerable then my face will normally show just that, even when the words coming out of my mouth are very complementary. I have a real ability to look at someone as if they’re stupid when I don’t appreciate their presence.

People paint resting bitch face as a bad thing, as if it automatically means you have an attitude problem. But I have no problem smiling at the people I genuinely like.

And for the people I don’t like, well … I couldn’t really care less what you think. But at least my face has told you that I don’t like you, so now we can both go about our days with no confusion.

P.S did you also know that resting bitch face is a sign of intelligence, so when I look at you as if you’re stupid, it’s probably because compared to me you are.

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Benefits without the friendship

I think Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis had it nailed down. No emotions, no relationship, just sex. It’s easy, you get what you want and best of all there are no expectations what so ever!

Being on a country leaving countdown makes things a bit complicated for me, like there’s no point getting to know someone from scratch, the effort of going through that phase of shit sex while you “get to know what each other like” is just boring.

If I wanted to get into a relationship with someone and really invest in them, then it’s worth going through that phase, but not when you don’t want to get into anything serious because you know you’re leaving the country in a matter of months.

It’s easier to revert to something (or someone should I say) that you feel familiar with. Being in a situation where you both know what makes each other tick, means that sex has the inability to be bad (thank god), you both get what you want and then carry on about your day. Sounds easy.

But it’s only easy if you both want the same thing … absolutely nothing. You can’t have someone as your go to for sex if they’re getting emotionally involved.

When I leave the country in 4 months time, I don’t want someone asking me not to leave. I want to be able to go with no complications and knowing I’ve kept my life as easy as possible, so maybe that means sticking to sleeping with one person for 4 months? Someone that I don’t have to try too hard around? I just want to focus on myself and I guess it would be handy to have a guaranteed shag when I want it from now until I leave.

Friends with benefits is a rubbish term, I mean who actually wants to be friends with someone they have “benefits” with? You just need to know they can get you off, not what their plans are for the week and if they want to go for dinner.

So the less emotional involvement the better. No emotions, no relationship, just sex.

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Closer to 30

Officially turning an age that means I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20 seems even more significant that turning 21.

It’s as if all of a sudden, your decisions should start becoming sensible … as if the steps you take from here on in are actually going to have an impact.

21 to 25 is like a trial, a sneak peak into adulthood. Because although you’re working and paying a few bills, no one expects you to know what you’re doing and have your shit together.

But when you tell someone you’re 26, they start asking about your career and where you live and who you live with, it’s as if all of a sudden conversations become 10x more invasive because everyone expects you to have locked down what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with ….

I hate to break it to people fresh out of university ready to start their “adult life” but you will now just start to look for adultier adult in situations where you forget that you are in fact an adult yourself.

Most of us are still here making exactly the same decisions that we did when we were at uni or in our teens, constantly seeking attention from the opposite sex, texting our ex’s, getting drunk more than once a week, ending up in our overdrafts … the only difference now is that our hangovers last three days instead of three hours.

Getting older isn’t as exciting as I thought it would be, I can remember thinking in my teens that 25 was OLD, can we all just laugh at that together? Now I’m here just pretending to know what I’m doing.

But you know what, once you figure out that everyone is out here doing the best we can to not die of alcohol poisoning or undercooked food, you’ll feel better about your life. Everyone is at different stages and doing different things, especially in your 20’s. Some of my friends and married with kids and some of them are traveling the world, either of which is totally fine.

We’re all on our own journey and we shouldn’t be comparing it to other people’s.

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Monogamy, or not?


Monogamy is a funny thing and nowadays it’s almost the norm to expect people to cheat.

Did you know the human race isn’t built to be monogamous anyway? It’s social conditioning, or maybe we’re all just really bad at sharing?

No I’m kidding, once something (sorry I mean someone) is mine, if anyone else comes for it, I go into some kind of enraged meltdown.

But the older I get, the more I’ve seen examples of how men just lack the skills to be monogamous, they can love someone to the ends of the earth, but when faced with temptation they will very rarely say no (I’m not going to consider that I could be the problem obviously)

Us women aren’t exactly innocent either, even some of my closest friends have trouble not window shopping even after bagging the man of their dreams.

It’s almost as if you get to a certain time frame within a relationship and can’t help but test the waters.

I find it very hard to relate to this, but I think that’s because I can’t focus my attention on more than one person at a time, when a guy has my attention they have it all. I think that’s maybe why I struggle so much when they aren’t the same. But it takes a very special individual to get my undivided attention like that.

On the other hand, I’ve had guys cheat on me and with me … so I’ve literally seen it from every angle.

So can we remain monogamous once we decide that someone is the one for us? Or should open relationships be more of a socially acceptable norm, some people are convinced that open relationships are actually the key to keeping two people together long term.

Personally, I couldn’t do it. Knowing the person I’m in bed with was touching someone else the way they touch me? Ugh no thanks, it makes my skin crawl!

But I do get it, I get the appeal.

Maybe not being locked down to one person to fulfil all of your needs is clever, you could absolutely adore the ground someone walks on, but sleeping with other people is what makes you appreciate them all the more?

I’m all for monogamy, unless the person I want is in a relationship …. then maybe I’ll overlook it, as it’s benefiting me (yep, narcissistic and awful I know, what can you do?)

All I can say really is good luck to the women out there who think their boyfriend or husband doesn’t have the ability to cheat, because he’s probably texting you telling you he misses you as he’s climbing out of bed with another woman, that he’s just spent all night having sex with and trust me when I say he didn’t miss you then (sorry not sorry)

And for everyone embracing an “open relationship” the only advice on this I can offer is to make sure you’re both aware that it’s open …