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He Might Be ….

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If you can’t imagine introducing him to your family then honestly, what are you wasting your time for?

You might really like him, the sex might be great but when you think of him being around your family you suddenly get a sinking feeling, as if you know that he isn’t what they would want for you. You know your family would want you to be with someone who isn’t afraid to be soppy with you around them, because you know they would be happy to see that someone loves you as much as they do.

So if he’s afraid of physical affection in any way shape or form, is he really the one for you? Don’t get me wrong, PDA is massively off-putting, however, its nice to feel wanted. Even if it’s just in private. If you don’t feel wanted, how can you think that he’s for you?

As someone who is massively family orientated, I will always care about what my family think of my significant other. Which is why I avoid introducing them to anyone until I’m certain about how I feel and I know who they are. No one likes explaining to their parents why someone they were with a week ago at the family BBQ has now done a disappearing act.

So seriously, if you can’t imagine him stood beside you with an affectionate arm around your waist at family events, from BBQ’s to children’s birthdays, from weddings to funerals, then WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME?!

You might not be able to focus your attention on anyone else right now, because although he’s a twat, you’re a little bit lust obsessed. But that’s ok, as long as you can acknowledged he is not someone that you should even imagine a future with.

You might love sleeping next to him, but if he isn’t rolling over to spoon you every now and then, or to put your head on his chest to make sure you’re still laying there with him, then you might as well be sleeping alone, because despite him being there, you feel as though he isn’t.

If you’re revelling in the fact that he’s been giving you undivided attention for the last few months (since his last disappearing act) make sure you remember how you feel when he does go back to his old habits … you know, the ones that you’re mysteriously missed out of. Because as nice as his attention is, someone who will be consistent for you, will be better in the long run.

So enjoy him while you can, because he’s not the one you’re supposed to be with forever.

He’s not the one you want to introduce to your family and he’s not the one who treats you how you expected the love of your life to treat you. But he’s fun and he’s easy to talk to, you have things in common, but not enough to make your parents approve of him.

He might be good looking, but if he isn’t willing to show you any affection in front of his friends or your friends, then you need to find someone better, someone who doesn’t want to keep their hands off you, but who knows you well enough to understand that you’re not a fan of PDA, so all they have to do is tell you they cant wait to get you alone later and that will make your day.

If he isn’t loving you the way you want him to, it’s probably a blessing in disguise.

So when he ghosts on you again, remember he is not the one you want forever. So you might as well let him disappear, as long as you’re not going to let him come back again (for the fourth time).

My Nightmare

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Originally this post was going to be about a nightmare I kept having, however, after I had written it down and I mentioned to my boyfriend that I had a reoccurring nightmare he asked if he could read it before I blogged about it, I’m not a very open person, so sharing how I feel in real life really terrifies me, but he was amazing about it, he continuously surprises me with his response to certain things and I end up falling more and more in love with him, so now, not only am I sharing my nightmare on my blog I’ve also included his response that he very sweetly wrote underneath after he had read it. It’s helped me feel easier about opening up with concerns I have, so for anyone who feels the same as I do and doesn’t like to open up, maybe try telling someone you love and see how they respond? It may just surprise you.

I keep having this reoccurring nightmare.
I’ve built up everything that represents me and you on glass platforms. These platforms are beautiful and perfect something that is there only to hold you and me, but the glass is there to represent something fragile, something maybe we are.I’m trying to keep everyone and everything away incase it breaks.
In this nightmare once everything is broken and lays in pieces on the floor you take enjoyment from hurting me, you constantly test me to see how far I can be pushed.
Doing things to see if I find out perhaps and then wondering why I’m letting such obvious signs that something is wrong just slip through my fingers.
I’m not a push over, I just don’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you’re hurting me.
I have this theory, that people are made to hurt each other. I expect it, I expect to be hurt.
That way. When it happens I can’t feel let down, I don’t want to feel let down by you so I’m going to expect you to hurt me.
In this nightmare I know about all the other women you let touch you, I know you like it when they fall for your charm. I know, but I’ll never say anything.
I flinch when I have this glass shattering nightmare, I’ll grip on to you slightly when it wakes me up to make sure you’re still next to me, to make sure you’re still mine. You know I have these restless nights and yet you don’t even know what you’re trying to comfort me from, how can I talk about such an unsettling idea but ironically describe it using such beautiful metaphor.

The Response

Hey baby.
First of all, you write so beautifully and with such imagination and creativity. You’re definitely gifted with writing. Another talent of yours. I can’t wait to read other masterpieces of yours if they’re similar to this.

This reoccurring nightmare is not silly at all! Not even in the slightest. Im grateful that you let me read it. These glass platforms you speak of I guess represents our pillars of happiness….which must be pretty high. It is completely understandable what you are feeling. I think you have been hurt times before and you are expecting for me to hurt you. Waiting for the next moment to be hurt. A little bit how I feel sometimes. A bit how I have trust issues with you. Maybe you have this theory because you have never been very happy? Truly In love? I can say right now that it is ok to have your theory. It’s not silly. However I hope you know how hard I try to make you happy. To make us happy. How much I really really do love you. You being happy is the best thing in the world to me and there is NO way I would ruin that or stop thinking like that. Although I say this stuff all the time and tell you how much I love you. I think the only real cure to how you’re feeling is time. The longer you are happy and the longer we are together maybe the more you will start to realise that I am here for a long time possibly forever that you might start to feel secure and that I won’t hurt you. I know that you’re not a pushover. I definitely know that! And I’m glad you’re not. There’s nothing worse than letting someone walk all over you even if you love them. That’s why I love your stubbornness and your fight. I know it’s difficult for you to tell me how you feel and even more so with this because you’re scared that I will get enjoyment out of it. But honestly, the only enjoyment I get is when you’re the opposite. When you’re happy and when you tell me something good. When you’re excited to tell me something. That makes me really happy. The only reason I want to hear negative things and things I am doing wrong is because I want to help and make you happy again. Not get an enjoyment out of it. Maybe when you realise this you will feel more comfortable about opening up?

I like the fact that you grip me tightly after the nightmare. It makes me feel loved and cared for. It makes me feel that you need me. But you should know that I am yours…..that’s not going to change I’m afraid.

You should know that everything I tell you is the truth. You are an amazing, beautiful girl and I’m proud of you. I love you baby and I’m lucky to have you!