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What Makes Them Memorable

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We all have people continuously walking in and out of our lives, some stay for longer than others and some we create memories with that will stay with us for a life time.

But this isn’t a soppy reminiscent kind of post, this is more of a look back on certain events shared between two people that makes them stand out above all the others who you fleetingly give your attention to.

This post is going to require some feedback, so I’ll wait for you to tell me what you think about this, I know you get an ego boost every time I write about you and besides, you requested a list a couple of months back and while I hate to disappoint, I love a delayed reaction.

Three years worth of memories folded down into one blog post, it’s not necessarily only good things we remember about people, sometimes their biggest flaws and wort traits are what makes them stand out in our minds so much.

I’ll always remember the time we sat down for dinner with my family, you showed up late and then preceded to brag for about 10 minutes about how you’d been hit on at the dentists earlier that day and how lucky I should feel that I’m the one that gets to have you on a daily basis. You were simply wrapping the pedestal I’d put you on in gold. My bad.

I remember how much you liked when I had my nails painted red, in fact you liked it so much, that when I didn’t have them painted in your favourite colour and you saw someone else who did, you’d make subtle digs at how nice their nails looked, these other women who you made we so wary of, as if they all wanted to rip your clothes off and fuck you as soon as my back was turned and you’d avoid commenting on the fact that I’d made an effort for you, to make sure I looked the best I could for us to spend time with your friends, the friends who hated me. My nails were pink, but that didn’t deserve your compliments.

I look at you now and I wonder, if you hadn’t given me such a confidence knock, maybe I’d be more settled.

Maybe this wasn’t quite the list of things you expected, but I never expected you to turn into everything you promised you wouldn’t.

I found out this year that your best mate is a better kisser than you by the way, he seems to have his shit together more than you do as well, he has a better car, his own place and owns his responsibility. While you’re out there shagging everything that moves (good to know nothings changed) and pretending like you’re half functional.

We made out in his car and I couldn’t help but think of you, that’s probably messed up. I didn’t sleep with him because I knew me and you we’re going to get caught up again and we did.

Those three hours we’re exactly how I remember and I don’t think I need to clarify what I mean by that.

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It’s not your job to fix her

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when she tells you that she’s broken, it isn’t her inviting you to try and fix her.

it’s more of a warning signal, she wants you to know that while you date she may do some out of character, stupid shit. But it’s because she doesn’t trust people in the way most others do, she approaches everyone with caution, she tests people and she will provoke you to hurt her, but you shouldn’t. Even when she tries to push you away, you should try your hardest not to leave.

When the last one shattered her heart in the cruelest way you could think of, she became an altered version of herself. She didn’t feel whole anymore. She took some time to herself to make sure she felt like she could be a whole person again, by herself.

And now you’re here … she want’s you to stay but can’t figure out how to tell you without making herself vulnerable (the one thing she fears above everything else) so instead, she tells you she’s broken. She want’s you to understand that in this new form she cant express how much she loves someone in the way you expect her to. She shows love in the form of jealousy and while that may annoy you, it’s the only way she knows how.

When she tests you and tells you that she doesn’t care that you flirt with other girls … she does. But she constantly goes after proof that you won’t.

For her to believe that you won’t do what the others have done, you’ll have to tread carefully. And above everything else, you shouldn’t try and fix how she’s become, because this is her new normal.

All she knows are lies and belittling comments, so she waits for something negative to spill from your mouth after you compliment her. She’ll be scared to tell you she disagrees with you because she doesn’t want you to be angry and hold it against her until you find a way of getting her back.

Even though you may want to try, it’s not your job to try and fix her. She doesn’t want to be fixed, she just wants someone to accept the version of herself she currently is.

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Tinder is Dead

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Back when I was at university Tinder had just started to become a recognised ‘thing’, so we’re talking about 6 years or so ago (yes I know it’s been around longer than that) and back then, people who I went to uni with would use it as a hook up platform.

It wasn’t something you used to build a meaningful connection with someone, it was more of a ‘you out tonight’ kind of chat, but with someone who’s social circle you hadn’t quite penetrated (excuse the pun) in real life. So here you are, about to get ready to go on a piss up and you’ve already lined up your one night stand potential, someone who isn’t linked too closely to your group of friends for it to be awkward, but also it’s not a stranger danger type situation.

So now lets skip ahead to the grand old year of 2019 and still, my mindset about this dating app has not changed. If you want to try a dating app for genuine dating and getting to know someone, in my opinion, you do not use Tinder.

Tinder is a place where narcissistic tendencies go to thrive. It’s like a party hub for the countries most illegible singletons.

Ok, so lets pretend for a second that I’m being unfair. I’d be willing to give Tinder the benefit of the doubt, but I don’t know of one successful relationship that has come from Tinder and the word successful is really key here! I know of relationships that have formed, however they are not in any way shape or form the #relationshipgoals we see sprawled across Instagram and Facebook.

I don’t particularly want to be with someone who cuts me off from the life I’ve spent 25 years building for myself, I don’t want them to come in and try and change who I am and what I stand for and honestly, the only kind of Tinder relationship I’ve seen is exactly what I’ve outlined above.

I can’t be bothered to put on a fake smile for someone and sit across a table discussing my life and my career just to find out they’re actually there just to get into my knickers. If I wanted a quick shag with someone I think I’d put less effort in than that and pull someone on a night out, that way I don’t have to go through the painful explanation of how my ‘date’ went the next day when everyone asks.

I can’t say that Shelia in the office would be too impressed with hearing about the worst sex I’ve had in my life with a total stranger, who’s pictures showed them from a much more flattering angle than how they looked in real life. So not only was the sex awful, but you also had to try and only look at the left side of their face (their photogenic side).

Yeah I think I’d rather not ….

Whereas I think people just assume one night stands happen on a night out, no one asks for all the juicy gossip of how you got shit faced and threw up in your own shoe, so surely, you might as well add in a night of very forgettable sex to that and no one will ever be any the wiser!

Don’t get me wrong, online dating can be a really good place to meet your forever person (so I’ve heard) but Tinder …. well in my opinion Tinder is dead.

I think we need to start actually saying hello to each other in real life, yeah I know it’s scary, but apparently that’s how people met before technology came along and destroyed romantic ‘how we met’ stories.

Personally, I’d rather end up marrying someone I had a story with, maybe someones who’s been my best friend, or someone who I would never have met in normal circumstances but fate bought us together by chance and now here we are.

Most of us will tend to go back to a platform like Tinder because we like the feeling of knowing we could have anyone we wanted, it’s a feel good factor and big confidence boost seeing all the people who’ve liked you that you then choose to disregard 80% of just because you can. But honestly, Tinder is not a good place to find a rebound!

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The Right One Will Be Like A Symphony

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Forcing something to work with the wrong person will feel like a broken record, the conversation will get stuck. You’ll be afraid to laugh at yourself, at them and at the experiences you’re sharing. Maybe you’ll only show the part of you that you want them to see.

The whole thing will feel out of tune, like something is broken or missing, you’ll keep forcing it to work but ultimately broken records can’t be fixed. The music will never play uninterrupted, it won’t flow and it won’t make you feel alive inside.

That, in contrast to the symphony you’ll feel when you’re with the right one. Well … it will have no comparison. When you’re with the right one, your laughter will sound like the most beautiful piece of music your heart has ever heard and thats the person you want to hold on to. The one that makes you laugh, the one who accepts you wholeheartedly for who you are, flaws and all, not the version you pretend to be to try and impress others around you.

When you’re sat with the person who makes silence not feel awkward and who makes shit situations not feel like the end of the world, in my opinion you’ve found a winner. We hold out trying to find the ‘perfect’ person for us, but ultimately what we think we want and what we actually need tend to be very different.

Don’t let go of the person who makes you smile when you’re mad, because ultimately when you’re old and have nothing left to talk about, their humour is what will keep you feeling alive.

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The upper hand in ghosting

I’ll be honest, I’ve probably had the same amount of people ghost on me that I’ve ghosted on and I get the same advice every time “oooh you better take a step back before you really get in deep with this one” so our innate response these days is to run before we actually even start to properly like someone (what the fuck?)

What is it with modern dating and everyone wanting to run away before giving someone the chance to really see what they’re about?

Im sure a lot of us have been given the “distance yourself” advice, your friends will tell you to distance yourself to see how he will react, if he doesn’t initiate conversation after you act as if you don’t care then he clearly wasn’t interested in the first place …. can we just take a second to realise how crazy that sounds?

You’re going to act like you don’t want to talk to someone so they talk to you more? Let me know how that turns out …. or maybe because we’re adults we should just go after what we want and care less about what others think of us before they really even get to understand what we’re about.

To be honest, I think you might as well go all out for someone you don’t know, if they think you’re too much by suggesting dates or saying you want to see them then to be honest you’re no worse off … it’s not like you really care what they think anyway right?

But ghosting, this is something I’ve become more aware of the longer I spend in the exciting pool of being single.

So I think the upper hand in ghosting is to not do it. Try not being the emotionally stunted one in the situation and actually try talking to someone about how you feel, maybe you like them or maybe you can’t stand them. But either way it’s probably better that they know right?

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Everyone’s a trial

Technically, everyone’s a trial until you find “the one” but how can you know you’ve found the one you want forever unless you’ve taken out a few 30 day free trials at some point?

I’m happy treating people I date in a “practice makes perfect” kind of attitude until I find someone I have a genuine connection with and to be honest, I’m in no real rush to do that, it seems to me that it tends to happen when you’re looking for it least anyway.

All the “trials” will be fun, they will pass the time and they will make sure I remain on my “a game” …. I wouldn’t want to suddenly be overcome with nerves when I bump into the person I actually want and have an interest in.

You know all those dates you’ve had that make you cringe thinking about because they were so bad, or the person turned out to be the total opposite of what you actually want in someone? They were not a waste of time, they were practice runs.

Those people you’ve wasted months at a time over, again, not a waste. It might feel like it but honestly they’re all helping you, your trial runs help you become more confident and more certain of yourself.

Treat every unsuccessful love as a trial, because ultimately that’s what they are. It won’t go wrong with the person you’re actually supposed to be with.

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The ‘ick’

Now I’ve got the ‘ick’ it isn’t going to go away.

I suddenly realised about 4 minutes into having sex with you that I really wasn’t into it, I felt like I’d made a mistake and I hadn’t felt like that before, at least not with you anyway.

You kissed me and I felt absolutely nothing, for once I didn’t want to rip your clothes off, normally I’d be dying to feel your body on me as soon as you touched me. But it was different this time.

But I done it anyway … I acted as if you kissing my neck and pulling my hair was turning me on, but i wasn’t sure it was and yet I still let it carry on, probably because I wanted to find out where my head was at.

I think I realised as soon as you kissed me that I didn’t like the way you tasted anymore, I didn’t want to run my nails across your back and through your hair. I realised I didn’t want you, I wanted him.

I this what using someone feels like? If it is, then it’s awful. How guys can do it with no second thought whatsoever I really don’t know.

Right then and there you were literally just a body to me, for that brief 5 minutes I didn’t even think of you as someone I’d known for years, I was looking at you as if I’d never have to see you again and that isn’t how I want to see my best friend.

Our movements were awkward and disjointed, I wonder if you felt what I felt. Is that why it was so bad? The connection we normally had just seemed to have disappeared.

Maybe you knew I wasn’t responding the way that I normally do.

Maybe it’s because a week ago you had me convincing your girlfriend you’re not cheating on her and now here we are again naked in your bed, but it’s not cheating right? No of course it isn’t.

Well you know what, now I’ve been put off there won’t be another time. Maybe now I feel like you’ve lost the respect you had for me this isn’t what I want.

Once us women get the ‘ick’ it doesn’t go away. It’s something that happens suddenly and sometimes for no reason at all, but once our head switches into ‘ick’ mode there’s no saving that (sorry guys)

Someone who we’ve been craving for weeks can suddenly seem like the most off putting outcome and we can’t do anything to change it.

The sexual chemistry has gone … but I’m talking like 1000 miles down the road kind of gone.