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it’s ok to change your mind

When we were little and being asked if we want to draw with a red crayon or a blue crayon we didn’t get made to feel bad for picking one and then changing our mind halfway through and swapping to the other colour, or changing our mind completely and running off to play outside instead. So why, as adults when it comes to our love life, do we get made to feel like crap for changing our mind about people and situations?

I cannot reiterate this enough, BEING A HUMAN MEANS WE CAN CHANGE HOW WE THINK. Free will is a thing, if you hadn’t realised? But some people don’t, they get so uptight when you no longer want them, or to be in a situation with them that they’ll try and make you feel bad about it.

But here’s the thing, they’re only making you feel bad because they’re no longer the ‘chosen crayon‘ you don’t want to play with them anymore and unlike a crayon which has no feelings or emotion (obviously) they have the ability to kick up a fuss. You’ve changed your mind and don’t want them involved in your game anymore but CHOICE IS CHOICE so to be quite honest, they can just fuck off.

So you find someone at a bar and in the moment you look at them and find them attractive and you think ‘this ones coming home with me‘ one drink leads to another and when you actually get back to wherever it is with them (yours or theirs) it suddenly dawns on you … you actually don’t want them anymore, you’ve realised now that the environment has changed, so has your mood.

In a previous post i’ve mentioned ‘The Ick’ and how quickly it happens. It’s no ones fault, but it’s important to remember we can’t always control how we feel. We can’t help who we fall for and who we don’t. This isn’t something people should take personally because in my mind everyone is someones type. So if one person doesn’t fancy you, another one will.

So view people as crayons, decide on one, change your mind, try something different or don’t … pick a colour and decide that one’s your favorite. There are plenty of crayons in the box and they won’t all get upset and offended when they aren’t chosen.

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The ‘ick’

Now I’ve got the ‘ick’ it isn’t going to go away.

I suddenly realised about 4 minutes into having sex with you that I really wasn’t into it, I felt like I’d made a mistake and I hadn’t felt like that before, at least not with you anyway.

You kissed me and I felt absolutely nothing, for once I didn’t want to rip your clothes off, normally I’d be dying to feel your body on me as soon as you touched me. But it was different this time.

But I done it anyway … I acted as if you kissing my neck and pulling my hair was turning me on, but i wasn’t sure it was and yet I still let it carry on, probably because I wanted to find out where my head was at.

I think I realised as soon as you kissed me that I didn’t like the way you tasted anymore, I didn’t want to run my nails across your back and through your hair. I realised I didn’t want you, I wanted him.

I this what using someone feels like? If it is, then it’s awful. How guys can do it with no second thought whatsoever I really don’t know.

Right then and there you were literally just a body to me, for that brief 5 minutes I didn’t even think of you as someone I’d known for years, I was looking at you as if I’d never have to see you again and that isn’t how I want to see my best friend.

Our movements were awkward and disjointed, I wonder if you felt what I felt. Is that why it was so bad? The connection we normally had just seemed to have disappeared.

Maybe you knew I wasn’t responding the way that I normally do.

Maybe it’s because a week ago you had me convincing your girlfriend you’re not cheating on her and now here we are again naked in your bed, but it’s not cheating right? No of course it isn’t.

Well you know what, now I’ve been put off there won’t be another time. Maybe now I feel like you’ve lost the respect you had for me this isn’t what I want.

Once us women get the ‘ick’ it doesn’t go away. It’s something that happens suddenly and sometimes for no reason at all, but once our head switches into ‘ick’ mode there’s no saving that (sorry guys)

Someone who we’ve been craving for weeks can suddenly seem like the most off putting outcome and we can’t do anything to change it.

The sexual chemistry has gone … but I’m talking like 1000 miles down the road kind of gone.