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Resting Bitch Face

My resting bitch face is far more a reflection on you than it is on me.

If you think I look like I have an attitude problem, it’s because you’ve given me one. You see I have this slight problem, where I seem to have an ability to control the words that come out my mouth, but not the expression on my face.

This has its pros and cons … firstly, people will never have to question how I feel about them or whatever it is that they’re talking to me about, which is a huge pro, especially as I’m not the best person with all that emotion kind of stuff, so if I like someone, my eyes light up, I can’t stop smiling and overall I genuinely look engaged in everything they’re saying to me.

A massive con normally surfaces itself on first dates, if I find someone intolerable then my face will normally show just that, even when the words coming out of my mouth are very complementary. I have a real ability to look at someone as if they’re stupid when I don’t appreciate their presence.

People paint resting bitch face as a bad thing, as if it automatically means you have an attitude problem. But I have no problem smiling at the people I genuinely like.

And for the people I don’t like, well … I couldn’t really care less what you think. But at least my face has told you that I don’t like you, so now we can both go about our days with no confusion.

P.S did you also know that resting bitch face is a sign of intelligence, so when I look at you as if you’re stupid, it’s probably because compared to me you are.

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Monogamy, or not?


Monogamy is a funny thing and nowadays it’s almost the norm to expect people to cheat.

Did you know the human race isn’t built to be monogamous anyway? It’s social conditioning, or maybe we’re all just really bad at sharing?

No I’m kidding, once something (sorry I mean someone) is mine, if anyone else comes for it, I go into some kind of enraged meltdown.

But the older I get, the more I’ve seen examples of how men just lack the skills to be monogamous, they can love someone to the ends of the earth, but when faced with temptation they will very rarely say no (I’m not going to consider that I could be the problem obviously)

Us women aren’t exactly innocent either, even some of my closest friends have trouble not window shopping even after bagging the man of their dreams.

It’s almost as if you get to a certain time frame within a relationship and can’t help but test the waters.

I find it very hard to relate to this, but I think that’s because I can’t focus my attention on more than one person at a time, when a guy has my attention they have it all. I think that’s maybe why I struggle so much when they aren’t the same. But it takes a very special individual to get my undivided attention like that.

On the other hand, I’ve had guys cheat on me and with me … so I’ve literally seen it from every angle.

So can we remain monogamous once we decide that someone is the one for us? Or should open relationships be more of a socially acceptable norm, some people are convinced that open relationships are actually the key to keeping two people together long term.

Personally, I couldn’t do it. Knowing the person I’m in bed with was touching someone else the way they touch me? Ugh no thanks, it makes my skin crawl!

But I do get it, I get the appeal.

Maybe not being locked down to one person to fulfil all of your needs is clever, you could absolutely adore the ground someone walks on, but sleeping with other people is what makes you appreciate them all the more?

I’m all for monogamy, unless the person I want is in a relationship …. then maybe I’ll overlook it, as it’s benefiting me (yep, narcissistic and awful I know, what can you do?)

All I can say really is good luck to the women out there who think their boyfriend or husband doesn’t have the ability to cheat, because he’s probably texting you telling you he misses you as he’s climbing out of bed with another woman, that he’s just spent all night having sex with and trust me when I say he didn’t miss you then (sorry not sorry)

And for everyone embracing an “open relationship” the only advice on this I can offer is to make sure you’re both aware that it’s open …

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You’ll get pushed away

There’s something built into me, almost like a reflex, something I can’t control. I’ll push you away. when you try and get too close I will automatically push you away, it’s just what I do.

When you think you’ve got me figured out, I’ll do something weird and it will be because I don’t want you to know me.

Your “I know what you’re really like” messages stir something up inside me that make me want to change my name and move to a different country, because I don’t want you to know what I’m really like. I actually don’t think anyone deserves to know.

So this is me pre warning you, the closer you get to me, the harder I’ll push back on you. The more intense my mood swings will be. The closer you try to get to me, the less I’ll want you.

I don’t want you to “know the real me” because the real me is turbulent, I’m constantly looking for something better and ultimately, I’ll want to replace you and once you find that out, you should want to walk away.

I get easily bored of people who act as if they know me. You don’t. I’ll carefully choose small pieces of information to divulge to you so you feel like I’m opening up, but I’m not. I’m just giving you enough to make you want to stick around for the amount of time I actually want to keep you.

Just when you feel like you’ve got me sussed, I’ll push you away. Just like I do with all the others and I’m not even sorry.

So come prepared and make sure you’re wearing adequate padding for when you hit the floor after I’ve given you a shove.

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What Makes Them Memorable

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We all have people continuously walking in and out of our lives, some stay for longer than others and some we create memories with that will stay with us for a life time.

But this isn’t a soppy reminiscent kind of post, this is more of a look back on certain events shared between two people that makes them stand out above all the others who you fleetingly give your attention to.

This post is going to require some feedback, so I’ll wait for you to tell me what you think about this, I know you get an ego boost every time I write about you and besides, you requested a list a couple of months back and while I hate to disappoint, I love a delayed reaction.

Three years worth of memories folded down into one blog post, it’s not necessarily only good things we remember about people, sometimes their biggest flaws and wort traits are what makes them stand out in our minds so much.

I’ll always remember the time we sat down for dinner with my family, you showed up late and then preceded to brag for about 10 minutes about how you’d been hit on at the dentists earlier that day and how lucky I should feel that I’m the one that gets to have you on a daily basis. You were simply wrapping the pedestal I’d put you on in gold. My bad.

I remember how much you liked when I had my nails painted red, in fact you liked it so much, that when I didn’t have them painted in your favourite colour and you saw someone else who did, you’d make subtle digs at how nice their nails looked, these other women who you made we so wary of, as if they all wanted to rip your clothes off and fuck you as soon as my back was turned and you’d avoid commenting on the fact that I’d made an effort for you, to make sure I looked the best I could for us to spend time with your friends, the friends who hated me. My nails were pink, but that didn’t deserve your compliments.

I look at you now and I wonder, if you hadn’t given me such a confidence knock, maybe I’d be more settled.

Maybe this wasn’t quite the list of things you expected, but I never expected you to turn into everything you promised you wouldn’t.

I found out this year that your best mate is a better kisser than you by the way, he seems to have his shit together more than you do as well, he has a better car, his own place and owns his responsibility. While you’re out there shagging everything that moves (good to know nothings changed) and pretending like you’re half functional.

We made out in his car and I couldn’t help but think of you, that’s probably messed up. I didn’t sleep with him because I knew me and you we’re going to get caught up again and we did.

Those three hours we’re exactly how I remember and I don’t think I need to clarify what I mean by that.

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It’s not your job to fix her

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when she tells you that she’s broken, it isn’t her inviting you to try and fix her.

it’s more of a warning signal, she wants you to know that while you date she may do some out of character, stupid shit. But it’s because she doesn’t trust people in the way most others do, she approaches everyone with caution, she tests people and she will provoke you to hurt her, but you shouldn’t. Even when she tries to push you away, you should try your hardest not to leave.

When the last one shattered her heart in the cruelest way you could think of, she became an altered version of herself. She didn’t feel whole anymore. She took some time to herself to make sure she felt like she could be a whole person again, by herself.

And now you’re here … she want’s you to stay but can’t figure out how to tell you without making herself vulnerable (the one thing she fears above everything else) so instead, she tells you she’s broken. She want’s you to understand that in this new form she cant express how much she loves someone in the way you expect her to. She shows love in the form of jealousy and while that may annoy you, it’s the only way she knows how.

When she tests you and tells you that she doesn’t care that you flirt with other girls … she does. But she constantly goes after proof that you won’t.

For her to believe that you won’t do what the others have done, you’ll have to tread carefully. And above everything else, you shouldn’t try and fix how she’s become, because this is her new normal.

All she knows are lies and belittling comments, so she waits for something negative to spill from your mouth after you compliment her. She’ll be scared to tell you she disagrees with you because she doesn’t want you to be angry and hold it against her until you find a way of getting her back.

Even though you may want to try, it’s not your job to try and fix her. She doesn’t want to be fixed, she just wants someone to accept the version of herself she currently is.

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The second time around

Falling for you the second time around is going to hurt even more.

It’s ok though, I’ve already prepared myself for it. So I feel like I’m ready to go through it all again. The first time I caught feelings for you was bad enough, but now I’ve managed to let myself fall back into bad habits.

I’m happy to let you be my latest bad habit, I kind of like that I know you’re giving me some unstable stability (yeah I know how contradicting that is) but talking to you keeps me focused, I feel like I know what I’m doing again. But I also know that you’re not going to be a permanent fixture.

Having you again means I don’t want to date. I feel physically put off when I’m having sex with other people and I guess that’s quite a big sign that my feelings for you are slowly creeping back again (at least I can see it happening this time)

The first time I started getting feelings for you it kind of caught me off guard, I didn’t expect to like someone the way I liked you. I was in a weird head space where getting attached to men made me feel physically sick.

We had sex after knowing each other for 24hrs and I was so drunk it all seems like a massive blur …. it seems quite a few of my relationships start this way (maybe I should address that) I didn’t want anything from you at that point, I enjoyed getting to know you and the sex was good but I didn’t want anything else. Then all of a sudden … that changed and I wanted everything from you.

So I’m prepared to let myself open up to you again, I won’t mind if it hurts. As soon as I see you I know I’m going to fall into your arms and everything you made me second guess about myself will fade away … and yeah, that’s fucked up.

Just know that I don’t need you, I just want you. And for me to want someone, that’s a big deal.

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Narcissistic Millennials

It seems like we all just pass the time by finding someone to waste our time on these days.

We’ll scroll through Hinge or Bumble or any one of the many dating apps we have available to us and find that one person who’s name will fill our phones for the next few weeks or months and then just as modern dating has taught us is acceptable, it fades out and we take on our “thank you, next” approach.

I don’t even think we bother taking the time to process the impact each of these fleeting people have had on our lives for a little while …. but we don’t need to, there are thousands more just like them at the tap of our finger.

Us people in our 20’s and 30’s seem to be happy when we have someone to go back and talk to when we’re bored, we’re like creatures of habit. Having constant attention off of one person makes us feel good and wanted, but we’re not phased if the source of that constant attention keeps changing, as long as we have someone making our phones go off like we’re wanted. It’s when our phones go quite that we realise we’re bothered ….

Having the ability to speak to as many single (and some not) people as we want to makes us feel good. Like we have a lot of power by being able to pick and choose who we speak to based on not knowing them at all, but maybe this whole practice is just turning us all into narcissists?

We’ve been give the ability to decide within a matter of seconds whether someone is worthy of us having a conversation with them purely based on the way they look and if that isn’t narcissistic then I don’t know what is!

If no one has slid into our dm’s following our recent selfie, we get offended, but for the people who do slide into our dm’s … well we ignore them obviously. Why would someone try and contact us just based on our “fire” selfie? How rude, they don’t know us like that.

Seriously … what is wrong with us all. It seems like no one can do anything right when it comes to trying to speak to the person they like the look of. We laugh at people for putting themselves out there and “trying” but at least they haven’t been sucked into this narcissistic lifestyle where no one is good enough.

If online dating has taught us all anything … it’s how to have egos bigger than our hearts. It hasn’t taught us any valuable lessons about love.