Chat

He Might Be ….

original-2

If you can’t imagine introducing him to your family then honestly, what are you wasting your time for?

You might really like him, the sex might be great but when you think of him being around your family you suddenly get a sinking feeling, as if you know that he isn’t what they would want for you. You know your family would want you to be with someone who isn’t afraid to be soppy with you around them, because you know they would be happy to see that someone loves you as much as they do.

So if he’s afraid of physical affection in any way shape or form, is he really the one for you? Don’t get me wrong, PDA is massively off-putting, however, its nice to feel wanted. Even if it’s just in private. If you don’t feel wanted, how can you think that he’s for you?

As someone who is massively family orientated, I will always care about what my family think of my significant other. Which is why I avoid introducing them to anyone until I’m certain about how I feel and I know who they are. No one likes explaining to their parents why someone they were with a week ago at the family BBQ has now done a disappearing act.

So seriously, if you can’t imagine him stood beside you with an affectionate arm around your waist at family events, from BBQ’s to children’s birthdays, from weddings to funerals, then WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME?!

You might not be able to focus your attention on anyone else right now, because although he’s a twat, you’re a little bit lust obsessed. But that’s ok, as long as you can acknowledged he is not someone that you should even imagine a future with.

You might love sleeping next to him, but if he isn’t rolling over to spoon you every now and then, or to put your head on his chest to make sure you’re still laying there with him, then you might as well be sleeping alone, because despite him being there, you feel as though he isn’t.

If you’re revelling in the fact that he’s been giving you undivided attention for the last few months (since his last disappearing act) make sure you remember how you feel when he does go back to his old habits … you know, the ones that you’re mysteriously missed out of. Because as nice as his attention is, someone who will be consistent for you, will be better in the long run.

So enjoy him while you can, because he’s not the one you’re supposed to be with forever.

He’s not the one you want to introduce to your family and he’s not the one who treats you how you expected the love of your life to treat you. But he’s fun and he’s easy to talk to, you have things in common, but not enough to make your parents approve of him.

He might be good looking, but if he isn’t willing to show you any affection in front of his friends or your friends, then you need to find someone better, someone who doesn’t want to keep their hands off you, but who knows you well enough to understand that you’re not a fan of PDA, so all they have to do is tell you they cant wait to get you alone later and that will make your day.

If he isn’t loving you the way you want him to, it’s probably a blessing in disguise.

So when he ghosts on you again, remember he is not the one you want forever. So you might as well let him disappear, as long as you’re not going to let him come back again (for the fourth time).

Chat

Romance Vs Social Media

giphy-3

Has social media led to the downfall of romantic gestures? Instead of sending flowers we send DM’s and instead of writing someone a heartfelt note, we comment fire emojis under the selfie we like the look of … doesn’t scream romance to me!

Where can we expect our meet cute to happen if we’re all so scared of approaching people in real life?

Meet Cute: a scene in which the two people who will form a future romantic couple meet for the first time.

‘Playing’ Tinder is our latest boredom buster. One of the many dating apps we forget about until we realise we haven’t had any easily accessible attention for a while. We post half naked pictures onto our Instagram feeds because we revel in the fleeting appreciation we get from random strangers. Most of us leave our profiles on public because we enjoy being seen by others. But is social media really allowing us to be ‘seen’?

Ask your parents how they met, it’s highly unlikely they will say through online dating. Go back 20 or 30 years and people were meeting in pubs, or being hooked up via their group of friends. They weren’t swiping right, left or every direction in between while sat on the toilet hoping to find the love of their life and ultimately the person they wanted to create a family with. They were out there meeting people, speaking face to face, doing the most normal thing imaginable that we consider kind of weird now … they were interacting!

I want someone to write me letters telling me how much I mean to them, I want them to be stood in front of me telling me how beautiful I am. I don’t want them to comment emojis under my social media posts to show that they have an appreciation for me. I want them to show me off …. but not on social media. Take me to meet your friends and family face to face, so I can see the expression on your face as you introduce us. I don’t really care about the opinions of millions of people I don’t know, I don’t need them to all ‘approve’ of us.

Take me for lazy Sunday strolls, instead of laying next to me having a lazy Sunday ‘scroll’ through all of your social media platforms. Is romance too much to expect nowadays? Is it weird holding on to the hope of meeting Prince Charming at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve?

Imagine having a meet cute story like that … one where you saw each other from across the bar and it was love at first sight, that’s the kind of story people are jealous of. I’ve never seen a fairytale using the opening line of ‘once upon a swipe’ …  and if I did, I probably wouldn’t read on! Lets be honest, we all know how a Tinder date ends and unless having a drunk quickie with your clothes on is romantic to you, I don’t think you’d read on expecting a happily ever after either … I mean, I guess it’s kind of a happy ending in it’s own way, just not the type I’m after for here!

So for all of us hopeless romantics still hoping to find their forever romance the old fashioned way, I say keep trying. The offline world is far prettier than the online one anyway.

 

 

Chat

I Liked The Attention You Gave Me

img_4433

You might call it mean, I call it honest. And of course, the truth hurts, but it needs to be said at some point right?

You probably think I was stringing you along and playing games.  I’m sure that’s what you’ll tell yourself to make it easier because that’s what it looked like.  Just know that wasn’t my original intention, that’s not how I felt when it all started between us.

I did everything you’re supposed to do when you like someone. I reeled off every cheesy line that I knew you wanted to hear, I texted you back (most of the time within 24hrs) and matched every bit of affection you gave me with a big smile.

What I didn’t tell you was that my judgment got clouded because I was so focused on your interest in me.  As sad as that sounds, it’s true. I got caught up in it all and didn’t take time to process what was actually going on in my heart properly.

I became totally fixated on the idea of being wanted by someone, but not just anyone … it was you. So I numbed everything else, all the feelings that I should have payed attention to I just blocked them out, all the ones that were telling me this wasn’t really what I wanted.

Every text and touch from you switched on the voices in my brain that told me to like you (or that I should like you). That this could work. So, I believed them.

But once I took a step back, I realised I didn’t like you, not how you liked me. And I definitely didn’t want to keep going forward with this stupid phase of attention I was getting from you.

I liked the attention you gave me, I feed off the initial attention anyone gives me, but with you it felt different. I needed your attention for a while, it made me feel like I had some kind of power over my own life again.

I liked the idea of you.

I liked the idea of our potential and everything within me was begging for my heart to be as into you as my head was. I kept telling myself that maybe this could be the time where everything changes. That maybe there was something there when I knew there wasn’t.

But love doesn’t work like that. It should feel much more beautiful, complicated and simple all at the same time. I know I can’t force it when it’s not there, but every cheesy song and romcom has assured me that I will be certain in my head and my heart when it’s right, when I’m really into someone, I won’t even need to question it.

And we weren’t right, we definitely didn’t feel right to me. You didn’t set my heart on fire so I guess you just weren’t what I wanted after all.

So, the truth is, yes, I only liked the attention you gave me, for a while.

But, can you blame me? It’s easy to get caught up in a moment like this from time to time.

In this day and age, everything becomes misconstrued and temporary.  We become numb and latch onto anything that keeps us from being bored when we’re single. I latched onto you and the attention you were so keen to give me.

And by the time I realised this, it all kind of seemed to be too late. I’d gone along with it for slightly too long to just shrug it all off and carry on with my life like nothing had happened.

Chat

To The Guys Who Think They’re The Shit

IMG_3908

You are in fact not the shit and you have zero reason to be as egotistical as you actually are, cut the crap and accept the fact that in reality you’re a 5/10 on a good day for your looks and a 2/10 in bed. Sorry to be the one to break the news and here are the reasons why, just incase you want to take note for the next female you disappoint:

  • I’ve listened to songs that lasted longer than you
  • You DO NOT go down on a woman and suck, that is not how it goes. Who have you been giving oral sex to, men?
  • Don’t get an ego boost from when I’ve said you feel good, I say it to all of them. Guys seem to like it
  • Why can you only have sex missionary? Are you just that vanilla?
  • If you think just taking off a woman’s underwear means she’ll automatically be turned on, you’re a fucking idiot
  • Wasting 3 minutes of my life for a three thrusts situation … totally unacceptable
  • Getting so nervous you cant keep it up is actually VERY disappointing .. even if us women say its ok, its kind of not
  • You’re not 15, do not cover me in love bites I don’t need to leave you with a mark of shame
  • DO NOT bite my nipples so hard it feels like you’re trying to detach them from my body. That will not get me in the mood
  • You’re not trying to compete in the worlds fastest thruster competition, slow the fuck down

I actually take great pleasure in telling you that you’re not the shit, you are in fact … just shit. You were shit at everything, but you shouldn’t have been for having the ego that you did. And on a final note, no it doesn’t happen to everyone and no it is not ok.

Chat

It’s Not You … It’s Me

giphy-2

Why do I struggle so much to give the nice ones a shot? In reality you’re everything I’d be lucky to have and I know you’d treat my like an absolute princess and yet for some reason that pushes me a million miles away from you and into the arms of a guy I know will be no good for me at all.

I knew what I was doing from the moment you told me I was the only one out of a whole group of girls that you wanted speak to, you’d told me you knew I was the only one that you’d wanted to talk to before you even met me …. I was flattered, but flattery isn’t the way you’d get me. I like to work for what I want and you’re not going to be the kind of a guy that provides me with a chase, you’re too honest with your feelings and that isn’t a bad thing by the way!

I’m good at reading people, so I knew how much you liked me and I kept you just at arms length for my own benefit, or at least until the late night calls got too much and I didn’t want to play a game with you anymore. I got bored of giving you just enough attention that it meant you would never quite move on from being almost in love with me, despite the fact I knew I’d never feel the same …. wrong isn’t it? But thats the messed up way in which I work.

When we stayed up until 4am and you told me how much you liked me and how much it hurt when you had to see me with him, it really didn’t phase me. I wasn’t bothered that it hurt you. I still wanted to keep you within arms length of me, I still wanted you in the background admiring me, sorry.

How much did you really like me? I wish you’d been more sure of what you wanted … I wish you’d just tried to get my attention rather than asking me for permission to have it, maybe that would have worked better.

In all honesty, it’s not you … it’s me. In reality the qualities you have really are everything I want in someone, you’re hard working, you’re a dog person, you’re family orientated. So I’m not sure what my problem is. Sorry I’m so messed up.

There’s something I want you to know though …..

You’re amazing and whoever ends up with you will be very lucky, you’ve got a lot going for you, you really should be more confident. You’re a good looking guy.

Chat

Brunch Is Where I Take My Nan ….

do-you-have-a-horrible-first-date-story-here-are-7-that-are-worse

This is not a date, being here does not make me want to rip your clothes off. In fact, it makes me feel like I should be here with an old relative ..

Sat in a beautiful part of hot and sunny south London, a day time date sounded like a cute idea. But not this. Brunch on a Thursday afternoon, erm … this would be romantic, if I was 60 years of age I’m sure.

I’m only 24! I want to do things with someone that lets us create memories, take me to a gallery or an exhibition, something that gets us talking to each other and discussing new ideas on a Thursday afternoon! Staring at a plate of avocado isn’t exactly inspiring me.

If this is your idea of romance I think you need some new ones, I don’t expect a five course meal and to be wined and dined, but finding a cosy bar in London that oozes romance with velvet sofas and extravagant cocktails will most definitely change the mood. Sit us on a table in the corner of the room, let us stare out at everyone else and make up stories about their lives. Lets get carried away together and we can let hours run away while we enjoy being together.

You’re clock watching, I was literally something you felt you could squeeze in for ten minutes before work … thanks for the effort. Here’s an idea, ask to spend a whole day with me, a whole day that has the potential to run into a whole night. I want to stay up and talk to you for hours, I want to know everything about you.

What I don’t want, is to tell you all my secrets while the two women sat next to us are talking about how their child was sick this morning.

I’m all for breakfast dates, but breakfast dates should follow on from the night before .. that would be something I could get behind, or maybe I should say under? (cheeky)

So please, don’t take me somewhere I would take my nan. Not again, I don’t want to think of you as a two hour Thursday morning catch up date kind of person, I want to think of you as the one I spend time exploring the city with, having deep conversations with and above all creating memories that will last forever.

Otherwise I guess romance really is dead …..

Chat

He Just Doesn’t Want A Relationship … With You

1

I hate to say this but … when someone says they don’t want to be in a relationship, what they mean is that they don’t want to be in a relationship with you. We tell people this white lie because it’s easier than saying “I like you enough to hang out and have sex, but not enough to emotionally invest in you.” We think to tell someone the raw truth would be cruel, even though the lie, in a lot of ways, is much more cruel and trust me I know because I’ve heard it!

The truth is, when we meet someone we are crazy about, we will try to make it work regardless of what is going on in our lives. It doesn’t matter if you meet during a one night stand, or date for several months before having sex – if two people click and want each other, it will happen. Besides, who wants to be with someone who is wishy-washy over you to begin with? I’m not saying you have to be head over heels immediately, but if someone isn’t passionate about you, they aren’t going to wake up one day suddenly burning for you. It also works in the opposite way, if your relationship has just broken down and you are desperately trying to hold on to that person who is ‘not in the right place to be in a relationship’ run …. seriously just run, because in reality they know exactly what they are doing, they want you enough to keep you around while they don’t have anyone else, but once the new shiny toy arrives you’ll be out the door!

If you want respect and emotional commitment from the person you are seeing, ask for it. If they don’t give it to you, leave. It’s not possible to “ruin” a relationship by having “the talk.” If someone is freaked out just talking about commitment, what makes you think they will be good at practicing it? Anyone worth their salt will want you even more; because nothing is sexier than a person who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to ask for it, and willing to walk away when they don’t get it.

The problem is that more often than not, we only hear what we want to, filtering out anything that doesn’t fit.

There is a saying that goes: when somebody tells you who they are, believe them. When I look back on all of the “almost” relationships I’ve had, the other person was clear (whether it was directly in their words or in their actions) about what they wanted. But I didn’t listen, because I wanted more and I wanted them to want more. We all want to believe we are irresistible, and it is hard to accept that someone might spend time with us, be intimate with us, and not fall madly in love with us.

When you like someone and they do not like you back with the same intensity, we view it as a personal failure, which we shouldn’t. The majority of your romantic entanglements will not work out. It’s possible to really be into someone, sometimes even love someone, and not be able to have a relationship because of compatibility issues. That’s what makes being in a relationship special to begin with; finding someone who you not only desire deeply but is compatible with you.

Why someone rejected being in a relationship with you doesn’t matter, because there is someone out there who will fall for you based on the exact same quality someone else rejected you for.

I know all of this is easier said than done. That sometimes it’s easier to be with someone even if it’s not in the way we want because it feels better than being alone. But remember that every moment you spend trying to chase a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one with you is time that could be spent meeting someone who does. That by not asking for what you want, you are just prolonging something that isn’t going to work out anyway. That the damage settling for less does to your self-esteem is far greater than heartbreak of rejection. When a someone says they don’t want to be in a relationship, they mean a relationship with you, and that’s okay.